Unfortunate Events

Just today I heard news from my father that there have been two deaths in the family this week.

I'm not even sure how appropriate it is to discuss this in such a public forum, but I'm so confused about how to feel and think that getting it out in writing may be the best way for some release.

It's so strange, sometimes, how things in life happen. These two people were aunt and uncle to my father, but neither were related to each other by blood. The former's health had apparently been declining recently, but her death was still somewhat of a surprise. The latter has been in and out of hospice care for the past few months and had survived his ailments much longer than anticipated, but had also passed on not even two days after the first death. My grandfather and my great aunt, this week, have lost a brother and have lost a partner; they lived in two different states and were not even related. The timing of these events was almost as if someone, intent on dealing pain to this family, had planned it. Really, what are the odds and what did the living do to deserve this?

These two relatives were very close to my parents and my sister and I saw them enough to at least know who they were and to receive Christmas presents from them most years. My father's side of the family are fairly spread out around the country, but we at least made a concerted effort to see both of these people when we were in their respective areas every few years or so; visits to South Florida, however, were more frequent than those to Mississippi.

Is it because I didn't see them as often as family on my mother's side or is it because we live in a time where people are more emotionally detached from each other that I earnestly feel that I should be upset and sad about these deaths, but also can't find myself feeling that way? I can hear the sadness in my father's voice as he tells me that he is supposed to be a pallbearer at his uncle's funeral, but can't attend due to being out of town on business and, hearing those wavering undertones in his voice, I'm more effected than I ever was at hearing of the deaths over the phone. Maybe my physical isolation from my family has had some influence here, but I just can't help but feel guilty that these emotions aren't coming more naturally for me.

I know those that are left behind, my great aunt, great uncle, and grandfather; are all very close to each other and are helping the others make it through these tough times. I'm comforted to know that there are also many close friends coming to their aid and will be able to offer the needed shoulders to cry on.

Betty and Dalton, I love you both and wish that I had been able to see you more before your passing. Despite everything, I still feel as though I've lost an important part of my family and hope that the hole that now exists will be filled with happy memories, stories, and photographs of better times.